Saturday, December 02, 2006

its been waaayyy too long!

sorry to all the friends, readers and lovers out there who've been checking up on this thing, probably thinking it was a dead cause in the last month or so. gotta admit, i've been really slacking on this front, but i suppose these things can happen. whatever, the good thing is that this thing is back and ready for some fucking action! this last month has brought some incredible pics to the table, so let us not waste any more time; on with it!

ahh, bros. they're always drinking cheap american pisswater, always making some ridiculous face, and thank god, always partying in hot tubs with underage girls. its nice to have constants in this world! seriously, check out how much of a sack the dude next to the lass with the pookah shell necklace is. D-U-M-P-Y! yet he'll probably be getting loads of action because he can toss some kind of ball skillfully. his buddy next to him is so beyond stoked that one of his friends parents are gone for the weekend. and yes, i think the dude in the bottom corner is preparing to do the "eatin' a va-jay-jay" gesture thing that only a classy gentlman or lady would perform. definitely a quality image!

more big fun from linda's big connections! i'm pretty sure fil found this one...its been a while. but wherever it came from, its just the kind of thing we need over here at HTPB headquarters, so thanks! well, now, what do we have here? looks like two happy chub-couples and a very unhappy fifth wheel to me. i'm feelin' the absolutely evil look on moustachio'd white dude's face. maybe he's actually choking his lady instead of cuddling her. i could spend the rest of this review bagging on our lonesome lady in the blue number, but i'm sure we're probably all on the same page with that one, so lets just skip it and agree she looks rather unfortunately man-ish, 'kay?

alright, now the next and final image for this upate is an extremely special one. so special, in fact, that it cant even be shown here. our friend dave apparently knew about this picture before i had even started this thing, but it took him a while to get the seal of approval for me to use it because he actually knows the people in this one in real life! oh, but he did, and we are truly blessed for it, because i hadn't laughed as hard as i did when i saw this in a long time. if a little (or i guess pretty sizeable) dong doesn't make you squeamish, and you're not somewhere where somebody you'd rather not see you looking at a picture with one in it, then brave onward, pilgrim! THIS one's for you!

keep checking back, because even though the updates might come a bit slower these days, this ship is far from sinking! don't forget, i'm always taking submissions, so e-mail me some!!!

Saturday, October 21, 2006

and you thought this was over...

sorry kids, i know its been a while since i've updated this deal. but rest assured, this creation of mine is far from its end! as long as there are thousands of pages on google image search and as long as i can think up creative ways to search for them, there will be top quality hot tub party pics reviewed. and thats a guarantee!

oh man did fil ever deliver on this one! this fine pedigree comes from what is probably my new favorite website to browse for hot tub pics, "linda's big connections", a website dedicated to finding big ol' ladies love and places to hang out in hot tubs with said lovers (or something). once again, we have an extremely awkward grouping of people that makes this kind of thing so beautiful. my favorite thing here is the kind of sweetly retarded-looking guy a little left of center who's face is nothing but pure rapture for our tubby-hot-tub statue of liberty in the center. it's true, sonny, you done picked a winner! on the far right: arm brace, cast, or one of those hot topic avril levigne arm-sock things? you decide! the guy next to her is just sooo stoked that he simply has to be pointed out. hell, everyone in this picture is pretty much priceless! (literally) big up to linda's big connections for the good times!

YES! two thumbs up is exactly what i'm giving rick for finding this instant classic. in my dream world, these two gents are fighting (playfully, of course) for the right to massage homegirl's shoulders. and boy is she ever (playfully) distressed to be caught in between this battle! womb-broom dude is sporting one of the finest facial expressions to have graced this blog yet, like seriously top-notch. all-around this is truly amazing. we can always count on rick to bring the finest, and this is certainly no exception!

now HTPB reader brayan sent me this one via e-mail, but whats weird is that i actually found this guy myself a few months ago. we're on the same wavelength, dawg! i've been sitting on this for a long time, but you know it would be wrong of me to deprive you all of such a good picture! its been a while since we've had some wine in the hot tub too. this is another case where when i go to write about the picture, i find something completely different i'd never noticed before. case in point: i know y'all are looking and laughing at the foggin' glasses dude like i was, but look a little closer...dude's got boobs! see what i'm saying? i would have never guessed it to be a lady, but i done proved myself wrong! the duder behind him/her is looking equally as stumped too. not blamin' ya, pal!

wellp, thats it for now, but you know i'll be back with more soon, so stay put!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

we don't die, we multiply!

my best bud fil has been in this hot tub party searchin' game with me for quite some time, and he's come up with quite a few amazing finds over the years (see: alien hot tub pic). so knowing i was a little dry on photos for this update, i put him to work and damn did he ever deliver! keeping with the "one man show" theme, here's some finer images hand-selected by one of the best, reviewed shotgun-style in two sentances or less: ladies...moustaches.....i smell BEARS!!!

you wanna try and find a picture more creepy and unsettling than this one? go ahead, I DARE YOU!

most. boring. hottub. party. ever.

guy on the left: "WHOOOOAAAAAAA! YEAAAAAHHH!!! (probably) ARIZONA STATE!!!" where exacty is the lighting in this one coming from?

the dialog bubbles (not my doing) were not needed in order to make this one hilarious. GLOWSTICKS!

this one is pretty fucking good...

...but this one is BETTER!

that mosaic blur should be covering a lot more than just a few faces, namely sooo many pairs of gross floppy boobs. however, it should not cover up CROWD-SURFING A FOAM PARTY!

try as you might, but there is no way of convincing me that this one isn't just TEEMING with latent homoeroticism!

and last but certainly not least...

"fuuuuuuuuuck, huh"

Sunday, October 08, 2006

oh yeah, real fun!

so the "serious blogger" i mentioned in my previous post e-mailed me, and boy am i glad he did! 'cause with along with really nice message about enjoying the blog and such came some of the finest images i've seen in this game yet! we can thank scott for keepin' it mad real and finding all the following nuggets of gold.

this is amazing! i'm not sure what exactly has gone down in the water our homegirl here is loungin' in, but it definitely doesn't look pleasant. i'm happy it hasn't caused her to lose her appetite though, because if you know me, you know theres two things here that i find extreme amounts of hilarity in: HOT TUBS and BURGERS!!! such a trooper this girl is, to not let someone else's nasty business get in the way of a good time! if only we could see more of whats going on at this ultra-casual affair...sigh, one can dream, though.

guuuhh, this one is soo gross! certainly one soup i would not like a taste of. this is why your parents told you to never go exploring at the junk yard, and boy were they ever right! i don't think theres a single thing in this picture that isn't covered in some kind of filth, and certainly our dirty cowboy on the right is no exception. maybe its a good thing he forgot his swim trunks? that water might turn from a cool, pleasing grey to god-knows-what. the dude's face next to the giant rubber ducky is straight up nasty; maybe theres more unknown pleasures going on underwater that are best kept a secret. the only props i'm going to give to the parties responsible for this image is that their hot tub appears to be made out of an old boat, which wins for some mild creativity. still, would a little housekeeping hurt? i guess grimey is as grimey does.

of course this isn't gay. how could it be? i mean, whats homoerotic about wrastlin' and monkeyin' around with your best dude pals with minimal amounts of clothing in a hot tub? i thought the noogie as an art form died out with sega genesis, snap bracelets and cut-off flannel shirts, but i'm happy its being kept alive here, because there really isn't anything more archetypically dude than giving someone a noogie. style points are awarded to our man in the foreground...i can't tell if they're sweat pants or biker pants (or wrestling pants?!), but one thing is certain, and that is that they're tucked into a pair of socks! and that, my friends, is stylin'! also, big up to the guy in the background for being just sooo fucking stoked to see his friends acting dumb. a real barrel of laughs, this guy!

thats it for now, but like genital herpes, no matter what you do to try to suppress it, i'll be back with more! 'till next time, readers!!!

Friday, October 06, 2006

you can find me in the tub, in the bubbles...

first, lets talk some business:

now we all know how big the internet is, and how easy it is for things to go unnoticed in its vast sea of smut and banner ads. i thought certainly it would at least take a hell of a long time (maybe even thinking it would never hapen) for someone to catch up to my shenanigans doing this thing, but oooohhh no dear readers, we've been spotted. by way of a friend who's a "serious blogger", one of the esteemed members of our beloved goth hot tub pic found her way to my inbox, and left me a wonderfully surprising message about how much she's actually enjoying the blog! you can bet that was a relief, i thought for sure i was going to have to pull it when i first started reading. but rather, we may even be getting MORE from the same night...details forthcoming, but for now keep your fingers crossed and your garlic necklaces and wooden stakes in the garage...KIDDING!!!


HO - LY - SHIT! DJ Rick strikes back with another priceless gem!!! we don't need to discuss how ultra-lame and low-rent-office-party-gag the "cheese hat" is...this is a given. but past that, seriously, just what the fuck is going on in this image?! whatever it is, it's definitely pretty fuckin' casual. maybe the brewsky chillin' out in a coozie (cheesehead must have lost his, or could be on his way for another?) is an indicator as to why these dingdongs think its a good idea to hang out inside the hot tub with a bunch of probably powered electrical equipment. i don't have to get all MADD guest speaker here and tell you about how alcohol impairs your sense of judgement, but shit, really? microphones in the hot tub? i suppose we can't all be as smart as most children ages 5 and older. i want to also bring to light how AMAZING the structure of this hot tub is...i can't be certain, but i think what we're seeing here is some kind of hot tub hut island in the middle of a pool or something? totally bananas! for its originality, quality layout, and sheer random stupidity, this one's bringing home a trophy.

another hot tub party blog first: BACK TO BACK IMAGES! both found their way to me through mr. bryan riggs, who has been doing much to spread hype about this nonsense, even taking it far enough to host his own hot tub parties! now this is what i'm talkin' about, just straight up big chillin' the way that only people like this know how...with a huge cooler full of cheap hooch and a hot tub to drink it in! no ladies here, man, this is dudes night out for real. i like how the duder in the middle of the top one is posed, like he's one of the hunky male models in the "naked photo hunt" touch screen game they have at like every dive bar. so tough, so cut, so...EROTIC! i'm also digging the symmetry of these poses, like how the big dudes are totally holdin' down the base while the skinny dudes are throwin' it up like it ain't nothin' at the top; total bro-dawg pyramid! another fine example of the super chilled-out bro lifestyle we all know and love...thanks bryan!

well thats it for now, but i'm going to leave y'all with one last one that you're just going to have to process on your own; thanks be to dave for THIS

Saturday, September 30, 2006

now with 100% more teenage erections

seriously this is getting addictive, this blog-updating business. not that i mind, of course. apparently its also getting addictive to the friends who are reading this, because i've received a TON of pictures from you guys. this is AWESOME! please keep 'em coming!!!

if you didn't immediately hone in on the fact that the young lad in the black speedo (europe?) is rocking a super casual boner, dont worry, i'm not holding it against you. theres a lot to...oh who am i kidding, thats definitely the best thing going on in this one! this dude is just sooo stoked to be hanging out with these fine 16 year old honeyz in this raging tub of hormones, and it literally shows. thumbs up to you, buddy! also, i really like how awkward the guy just joining this boatload of fun on the far right looks. maybe he too has a teen boner, and is just a little more modest about it than his cool friend. folks, we simply will never know, will we? props to seth for finding this gem.

this falls into one of my favorite sub-catagories of the hot tub party pic: the super unnaturally-lit commercial photograph kind! do you really think these people are just hangin' out because they're super good friends? probably not. but thats what makes this kind so priceless. i feel by their expressions that this one is set up to make you feel like your sitting across from them at this super casual affair and you just said something really witty about your stocks. dave found this one, so i can't comment on the website it originally came from, but i can probably make an educated guess that theres a weekend spa package involved.

absolute perfection! i've been holding out on this one, waiting for the right moment to unleash its power, and today is the day! this is one of those pictures where there is just so much going on, and as always, i'll do my best to point out exactly what makes this one of the best. first off: suuuper awkward age differences going on here. really, just beautiful. there is a guy in the top right who not only gets points for looking kinda like Sinbad, but also for sporting the freshest hairstyle imagineable, the totally-bald-except-for-a-really-thin-ponytail look ala the cool singer from Live. bottom and center: best party face to grace this blog yet, and a nice womb-broom to boot. truly this gent is on top of his game, since he is chillin' with so many fine babes. and oh my god, the guy poundin' the long neck in the top left...just gorgeous! bonus points for the slick gold chain. loooots of tribal tats going on here too to solidify this image's quality. lastly, did you notice that the two girls in the middle are topless?!?! because i didnt the first 8239982 times i looked at this one. to blogspot: please dont shut me down for hosting an image with 1/3 of a boob!

thats it for now, but like i've said in previous posts, there is plenty more to come, so stay linked!

Friday, September 29, 2006

keep 'em coming!

i would first like to say thanks to everyone thats actually reading this nonsense! you're keeping this dream of mine afloat. also, the chain-reaction that i was hoping for upon starting this thing is in full-effect: people are sending me hot tub party pics to review. i say, give the people what they want; so no more introductions, heres some pictures that you, the 5 people reading this thing, have sent my way!

this image comes by way of DJ Rick, who has been kind enough to leave some amazing cross-comentary on the previous posts. wow...umm. there really isn't anything going on in this image that isn't gross. either this is one hell of a fancy bathroom, or someone is so dedicated to the art of hot-tubbing that they had this thing installed in their living room. hey, it could happen! modest molly in the white tee doesn't wanna show the goods, and really, its fine by me. in fact, i wish everyone in this image could be wearing similar garments. these ladies must be holding up the one finger to request another drink from their suburban cabana boy. either that, or they're making a funny by suggesting theres room for "one more". not!!! i'm getting into the habit of checking out the sites where these masterpieces come from now, and this one is all too fitting: "american thunder", a harley-ridin' group from orange county.

oh. my. god. words can't even describe how much bizarre shit is going on in this picture, but damn, i'll give it my best. my homegirl alana, who can boast that her dad was actually MARRIED in a hot tub (coolness factor upp'd more that just a few notches!) found this one, and its a keeper. we all know how bros n' bro-hoes party down, but when it comes to the secret lives of the creatures of the night (and mall food courts), theres still quite a bit o' mystery left unsolved. here we see what appears to be some kind of goth ritual, in which they descend like locusts upon unsuspecting "normal" people having a good time and severely bum them out. maybe this brood of witches got the hot tub confused with a couldron, and thought someone was boiling these innocent fun-timers alive as an offering to the dark prince or trent reznor. those arent screams of pain, my dears, they're screams of PARTY!

in all honesty though, i like seeing pictures of goths out on the town having a good time, as opposed to all the stock photos of them just hanging out in their wood-panelled bedrooms looking forlorn. oooh goths, they wanna have fu-un! and nothing is more fun than standing on the rim of the hot tub dressed like a doofus with a 20 oz'er of pepsi. BING BONG!

other things that are amazing in this image:

- left center: fall's hottest hairstyle, make a note of it.
- far right: unleash the one-zie!
- center: there simply has to be something naughty going on underwater between erotic-faced asian male and his buddy pointing behind him!

good work, alana, ace material indeed!

wow! the webpage is titled "big as texas", and they ain't kiddin'!!! only two of the people that i can see in this photo have necks. i can't tell if the guy in the bottom left has a look of pure joy or pure terror, but one thing is clear: he's in for the ride of a lifetime regardless! i can speak more comfortably on behalf of our other more meek gentleman in the back, who is clearly not getting what he bargained for, and is probably plotting his escape route. run free, little guy!

hats off to wilson for finding this one. good work, soldier!

fil found this one aaaages ago, probably back when i first started getting into google image searching this business. and what a truly fucked up weird image this is, too! "our friend is so wacky! look at his/her wacky mask!" is basically whats going on here. not so much hilarity to report on this one, but a fine example of a milestone in my early quests for only the finest.

thanks again for reading, and keep the submissions coming! this is sooo much better than a diary...

it's all here!

if the last post was the cake, these ones are surely the icing...

shit, now this is what i'm talkin' about! can you even believe how stoked the dude in the bottom right is to be mad-laxin' in the hot tub?! that face is all the sincerety we need to know that this guy knows a good time when he sees it. the age-old equation is proven here once again: bros + chicks + beer = F-U-N!!! i would also like to point out that seriously SO MANY of the things that come to mind when i think of the word "bro" are represented in this amazing image: ball-chain necklaces, floppy beach hats, forced-spiritual tribal tattoos...and lets not forget those truly sexy womb-broom goatees! ladykillers, the whole lot of 'em! my guess is at least one of the people in this picture owns a jeep.

i also love how the budweiser cups they're drinking out of are the size of the cups adjacent to the water cooler in your doctor's office. theres gonna be a lot of trips back to the keg for these guys tonight!

lastly: really more weird than anything, is that a tampon behind necklace-sportin' hunk's ear? weeeeeiiiiird.

it's like i died and went to hot tub heaven! if the last blog post was about the casual adult side of hot tub culture, then this one is no doubt all about being young, restless, and most certainly in college. i spy with my astonished eye: two pookah-shell necklaces (in my opinion, just a bit more dude than the ball chain), approximately 4 liters of sprite that almost certainly are mixed with budget vodka or rum, 3 pairs of hawaii-stylin' floral print boardshorts (essential), and not one facial expression that isn't priceless. oh gosh, if i had to pick a favorite though, i'd definitely go with my girl in the yellow number on the left. i can just hear her screaming "WOOOOAAA YEEAAAAAAHHHH!!!" through the computer screen, and i think i have the sound all the way down. really, this is the stuff dreams are made of.

thats it for now, but keep this shit bookmark'd, because until i have a shortage of free time, or until theres a shortage of choice hot tub party pics, this badboy is gonna be updated.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

throwin' up some shakas

YES! before i even started this thing, good good buddy sleazy mike went to work and found this priceless piece. he was simply not pleased with the results google image search was bringing up by only searching "hot tub party". average fare, andreas has probably seen these, etc. so he decided to really fancy it up and search "hot tub soiree", and WHAM, this is the only image the comes up from a french personal homepage. PERFECT!

this one totally has all the right stuff going on; theres a glass of wine (casual, adult), some classy outdoor lighting, and is that...yes, thats snow around the outside. it may be cold outside, but that doesnt mean shit when you're straight loungin' in the hot tub! the perfect answer to those cold euro-winter nights. there's also an amazing "havin' so much fun!" expression on the guy in the middle's face. oooohhhh yeah, he is feelin' this!

i kind of skipped over this one when i saw it in the ol' image search because there was just too much steam to really tell what was going on in thumbnail mode. but once uncovered, the magic is revealed, and we find that yes, homeboy on the far right is throwing up the international symbol of dude, the "shaka"! this guy, of course, knows how to party, as is evident by all the fun everyone around him is having. casual adult chillout at its finest!

...but theres more. upon closer inspection of the webpage from where this fine image came, a gold brick of text gives us the lowdown on this bro-down:

"Would you enjoy the fun of a secluded, park-like backyard setting, with an inviting pool, bubbling jacuzzi, goodtime music, and fun theme parties, all with a great group of classy people that you might not find at other parties you have attended in the past? Then come join one of my super fun Backyard Socials. You won't regret it.

Here are some sample photos from the fun times we have had in the past.

For more information, please email me with your photo. After all, you've already seen my photos!

Look forward to hearing from you!"

SWINGERS! if you're thinking "gawd, i hope this isn't what my parents do" don't worry, we're on the same dismal page.


welcome, welcome!

okay dudes, i've been fiddling with this idea for a few days now, and i'm totally going to make this happen. for a couple years i've been major into google image searching pictures of hot tub parties, and have amassed a pretty great selection of choice photos as the product. why hot tub parties? why not, that shit is hilarious! it's like my favorite microcosm of casual bro culture. so thats why i've decided that i want to keep a fairly regular blog where i review, analyze, narrate and make up stories for the finest in HOT TUB PARTY ACTION! keep your sights on the horizon because this shit is FOR REAL!