Friday, October 26, 2007

it's not over 'till i say its over!

alright chumpy dumpty, you had seriously given up on me, hadn't you? admit it; it's cool. its not like i've done one of these in months or anything, so fair's fair.

anyway, less bullhonk, more hot tubs!
sorry for the delay, now ON WITH THE SHOW!!!

YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! i was simply not prepared when good ol' HTPB fan #1 DJ Rick dropped this nasty turd on my myspace comments. i don't even wanna know what these dudes are smiling about, let alone know what that filth in their hair is. 10 bucks says that ain't no "LA LOOKS" or "LA BELLA" gellin' those strands together. beardo in the front is looking especially gross; that face rug probably hasn't been cleaned since god knows when, so now its at that point where really old dudes' dreadlocks just grow into one solid mass of funky moss. moving on, check out that girl in the middle! its like her hair became residency for hundreds of lazy silkworms. and what is she holding, like some metal pitcher? never know, never will. at least they're drinking boddington's, so you know they're not total scum. thanks rick, another classic!

fuck yes, this is the shit right here! look at these dudes just big chillin', sippin' ledgewood and vendage, all cuttin' some jokes about their wives and talkin' muscle cars. nothing about this one is unclassy, but if i had to pick a winner, you know i'm putting all my chips on homeboy in the middle. trash tatts, gold chains, nascar (?) hat and the joakleys, this guy is the fuckin' M.A.N., maaaaan. he probably hasn't not had fun since '77, and it shows. if i could hand out prizes for these images, this guy would totally win a '81 trans am with a pile of van halen 8 tracks and an eightball of coke to do off the dash. jay-kay, you know that dude totally has ALL of those things!


welcome to college! heres your party size doritos, cheap vodka, sorrority house hot tub and a one-way ticket to a regretful morning!!!

i can't thank the internet enough for this one! dumpy dudes throwin' some hands in the air, two thumbs up, peace signs, random business attire (shed the duds and have some fun, chief!), uneven dude-to-dudette ratio...this one has pretty much everything i could ever ask for! i really wish i had more to say, but i think everything about this one is absolutely PERFECT.

thats it for now friends, gotta slink back into hiding for a little while longer. you'd better believe though that in my time off from updating this thing i've amassed an even more sizeable collection of these things, so maybe an update will happen sooner than you think?

keep the faith and never say die!

sincere luv,
HTPB editor-in-chief

Friday, March 09, 2007

I'M BAAAAAAACK: totally gross edition!





....and pretty drunk. yes, this should indeed be fun!

suffice to say there is nothing savory going on in this here photo, folks. let me spell out exactly what this shitbag is for you, in case you haven't figured out his scheming from that shitty dirtbag look on his face. three words: MO. LEST. ER. well, ok, lets be fair...maybe he's a dad. or worse, a creepy older brother. but every one of us has known someone who has a dad who's a TOTAL CREEP. y'know the kind, i need not go into details. at first glance, i thought i would love to know who the mystery foot in the foreground belonged to, but then i wisened up and though better of it. if this hot tub could talk, it'd surely have something to say...and by the looks of it, you probably would be better off covering your ears.

let the gross times roll! am i really priveliged enough to be witnessing a SMIRNOFF ICE and a KEYSTONE (ice?) IN THE SAME PHOTO?! man, these are the good times. this guy will be doing everything he can, including feeding said beverages in copious amounts to get these ladies to put out. and with that cool of facial hair...well buddy, lets just say i wish you the best of luck (or the best of your ability to acquire GHB). DING DONG, HELLO! but seriously people, all i really could hope for is that what i think is a CAL hat is really a VON DUTCH hat (y'know, circa 2003?). then everything would be just fine.

OHHHHHH YES! somebody (fil, actually) rounded up another bunch of cool dudes for me to pick apart! i hope homie in the black hat is bi, cuz he looks like he's got his hands full. BOOYA! i love it when theres a bunch of confident babes str8 loungin' in their bikinis, save for the one lass wearin' a ONE-ZIE! its cool, though, cuz pastie-white pachuco face in the foreground doesn't give a damn if she still shops for her bathing suits with her mom at mervyn's. in fact, i'm sure everyone in this photo got laid, and were dissatisfied. thats just how it rolls when you're in college and you hate yr parents. HEY-YO!

...ok. seriously, i need to post this before i sober up and regret it. if theres a typo, fuck off, spell-checking is for weenies.