Sunday, May 24, 2009


im taking advantage of this swedish google image search in hopes of coming up with a whole new crop of ridiculous hot tub photos. bring it, sverige!

there's probably a special section in hell reserved for this pasty-white, gold-chain-wearing, saggy breasted perv and his over-baked bride. holmes looks like a cross between dave coulier and gary busey. he's lucky his counterpart at least looks a bit older, so he can keep crossing state lines.

i'm laughing. you're laughing. she's laughing and all the world is laughing because this dude with the pipe's caterpillar brows are outta control! gotta give him props for smoking a pipe though, it seriously is always such a classy touch, and his smile is genuine enough to where if you asked him what's the secret to a happy life, he'd probably say "alcohol."

im not sure if what i'm seeing here is for real, but i think we have here is a legitimately all bro'd-out FAMILY. they probably have a lifted mini-van with a nautical star decal covering the entire rear window. pass the fuckin' tostitos, dude!

man. i mean...shit. obviously another big winner from linda's big connections, the go-to source for all my hot tub photo needs. next time one of your friends is in the dumps about how everyone they know has found someone and that they'll probably just be lonely and depressed forever and that they've tried and e-harmony and myspace and they don't know if they can face the pressure from their parents who don't understand because they've been married since before TV was in color and they can't live much longer with the fear of being alone for eternity....just show them this photo. they'll shut up, i promise.

not only is this picture HUGE, but theres a serisously huge amount of stuff going on it. instant HTPB classic material right here. why is there a door labeled co2? why is there a gym in the reflection? what is that fucking weird chest tattoo? why does the dude in the annheuser bush hat have boobs? who invited the awkward nerdy dude with the jew-fro and glasses? whats the dude on the left looking at? people, i wish i had the answers but thats what makes magic and keeps me from being bored for a while.

another fucking puzzler from the same page of google image search that birthed the one above (this rarely happens, you see). at first in the thumbnail i though this dude was holding a snake, which would be weird enough, but i enlarge it and it turns out to be a fucking BOW. wha? huh? "man but seriously though, seriously, this bow is SICK. its awesome. you can like pull it back, and like grab an arrow and shoot it like seriously SO FAR. i could show you sometime, dude. its not even a thing, we could totally do it this weekend. yeah, totally, SICK".

man, another literally fat WHAT THE FUCK. seriously, why was this photo taken? was it taken for me? did you know i was coming, google? this is what your landlord does with your rent money. nice plates, dogg.

aaaalright, just decided to dip in for a bit to keep this thing breathing, be back hopefully soon for more, since i've only broke the surface with searching "jacuzzi" instead of "hot tub". later, turds!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


whats up all!
sorry its been like a thousand and two hundred bazillion years since i last dropped one of these, but trust me, even though this blog goes dormant for lengthy spells, it is NOT OVER. you know how sometimes you need time away from things to realize how good of a thing you have? same principal here. so without further separation from what you actually came here to read, here's the latest crop of the internet's finest hot tub images, for my criticism and your enjoyment!

dang, this is seriously a busy photo we have here. i almost glanced over this one; trust me, its hard enough to find ones that aren't porn, let alone find ones that aren't just some boring middle america slurms doing the same boring stuff they'd normally be doing in a hot tub. not the case here! first, who the hell is that lady in the bottom left?! maybe they're all adopted and that smile's because she's the "cool mom", but i somehow doubt it. dude behind her is clearly stoned or doing something you only discuss when you've drank too much. i think the dude in the very back has the best stance of them all though, doing some kind of striking cobra interpretive dance move ("i am...FIERCE!"). dude throwing up the piece sign in the middle is clearly assuming the position of "alpha party chief" in this photo. and lets be honest, who doesn't love a too-horny drunk dude who's trying to tongue your date?

a cruise is the middle class version of having "really made it", and these fools are just basking in it. let us all toast it, because it probably won't last long. for now though, tell that twink pool boy "two more mai tai's, wage slave!".

this one is just kind of classic. and its so true, "when you live in marin, you're in"...a place for rich hippies and earth-yuppies.

not one but two! this seems kind of "european" know what i mean. all these ones with just one girl in them are strange to me, dubious even. the bald guy looks like BAS RUTTEN, and a dangitty dangitty daaang.

admit it. you're laughing. or you at least chuckled. this one is just fucking hilarious! i feel like that movie Little Miss Sunshine really did the world a favor, by bringing hysterically awkward children far enough into the public eye so that less people will think i'm an asshole for laughing instead of saying "oh your poor thing".

man, fashion sure is stupid! what? huh? where? trust me, i know, i'm just as confused as to what in the hell is going on in this one. i like the obvious unholy mam-el-toe dickbulge the dude in front right is sportin' so coyly. work it, boy! if the leotard dude in the back were in a new york night club and not the...well, umm... wherever this is, he'd be published in vice's do's and dont's as fast as you can say "cheem".


and last but not least (till soon we meet again), here's one to make you hope your parents never do this! try if you can to find water here in this desolate place. these guys should be acquainted to the fine folks over at linda's big connections (check prior entries for reference point). please, give me more!


so thats it. see, it wasn't so hard after all. please look forward to more updates soon...i know i know i always say it. we're also going to be "published" soon as i'm going to do a review set for william's next issue of his BULLSHIT! zine. so keep this thing bookmared because I AM BACK!